Customer #1: Thank God, this line is taking forever. (There is no line at all, although the tables are mostly occupied.) Me: Sorry about the wait, sir. May I take your order? (The customer proceeds to rattle off a long, confusing, and often contradictory order, including such things as a meatless ham sandwich.) Me: Sir, Im a little confused by your order. Do you mean Customer #1: oh for Gods sake, I have to repeat myself now? Werent you paying attention the first time? Me: Im sorry, sir, but I dont want to get anything wrong. You made a big order, and Customer #1: *sighs* Ill repeat myself, but just this once. I hate dealing with lazy ignorant dropouts like you. (He repeats his order, but I understand it even less because I am trying not to cry. He finishes speaking and snaps his fingers at me.) Customer #1: Hello?! Punch it in, you dumb b****. I havent got all day, and (Suddenly one of the other customers; a strongly-built man who has been quietly sitting at a nearby table, roars and leaps to his feet, flipping the table and spilling his coffee in the process.) Customer #2: GOD-D*** IT! ONE DAY OUT OF PRISON, AND ALREADY I HAVE TO MURDER AN IDIOT IN A COFFEE STORE! (The rude customer shrieks and flees from the store. I and the remaining customers stare at the man, who quietly picks up the table and comes over to the counter.) Customer #2: Ill pay for any damage. If you could show me where the mops are, Ill take care of the mess too. Me: I-I-I, um Customer #2: Dont worry about it, sweetheart. Theres always gonna be an a** like that around. Me: Uh, you, um Customer #2: Oh, the prison thing? *laughs* Never been in jail in my life. So, anyway, wheres that mop?

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